


Combining

by Espereth



Category: Star Trek: The Next Generation
Genre: Crack, M/M, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-23 14:44:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3772144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Espereth/pseuds/Espereth
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Q has some questions about being human, but the only person on board he wants to talk to is Data.</p><p>Set when Q was exiled by the Continuum and turned into a human.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Combining

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of those things I mess around with when I'm procrastinating something important. I open Notepad and type a few fragments. The larger and more important the task I am supposed to be doing, the more of this kind of shit I write. Most of those scrapfics never see the light of day and the interwebs are all the better for that. I didn't expect to finish this one but then I got a large and important task to complete and procrastinated by assembling this.
> 
> Anyways I can't see any other Data/Q fic on here so at least I am doing my part to preserve Rule 34 XD

When Data arrived at Ten Forward, he found Q seated at a table by himself, staring ahead into the depths of space. A melting chocolate sundae on the table was accompanied by the empty dishes of two more of the desserts that Q had evidently just consumed. 

"Q," he said, approaching the newly-human exile from the Continuum. "What can I help you with?"

"Sit down, Data," Q said, gradually stirring his sundae into a runny swirl. Data sat, waiting for further instructions.

"I am glad you have found a dish you enjoy," Data said, looking at the empty sundae dishes. "I have heard many say that chocolate is delicious."

"Chocolate is… another sensation to process," Q said with a sigh, chin in hand, elbow on the table. "There are so many."

"Do you feel tired?" Data asked. "Most humans find that regular sleep helps them to perform optimally." 

"No, Data, I'm not tired. In fact, I just woke up." He scooped a dollop of ice cream with his spoon and let it plop back into the sundae. "Data, I need your advice. Parts of my body are behaving _extremely_ strangely. My heart rate is far more rapid than the information in the ship's computer suggests is normal."

"I see." Data tapped his communicator. "Dr. Crusher to Ten Forward," he said.

"No," Q hissed. "You can't call _her_!"

The voice communication system responded with a blip. "Go ahead, Data," came the doctor's calm voice. "Do you have a medical emergency?"

"No!" Q called frantically, peering around the expansive room as though expecting Dr. Crusher to materialise. "Everything's fine! Go away!"

"Data?" Dr Crusher's voice was dry, and slightly impatient, but professional as ever.

"There is no emergency," Data said, glancing at Q. "Apologies, doctor. There appears to be no need for your presence in Ten Forward." 

"Very well. Don't hesitate to contact me with any genuine problems," she said curtly. "Good evening, Data… Q." The communications system blipped again, and was silent.

Data looked at Q, seeing no signs of physical malfunction; although his cheeks were now flushed red. That could indicate various forms of physical or emotional distress. Perhaps, as a new life form, it would be safest for Q to visit the doctor again, even if just for reassurance.

"Q," he said. "Although I possess knowledge of human biology, I do not think I can help you effectively. Dr. Crusher is highly qualified, and has a great deal of experience in treating many kinds of humanoid," Data said. "It would be best if you sought her advice."

"I can't," Q whispered in despair.

"Why not?"

"I wouldn't feel comfortable," he said. "The problem is with a particular body part that humans don't talk about. One of their many social taboos, it would seem." He took a long sip of the chocolate sundae; a small comfort in this strange, uncomfortable mode of existence.

"I didn't even notice the part at first," Q went on. "But then Worf - _Worf_ , mind you - insisted that I bathe. He seemed to have the backing of the crew, so I acquiesced. This body part seemed unremarkable, although inexplicably odd-looking, then. But while I was speaking to Jean-Luc later -" He trailed off, playing with his spoon. 

Data blinked. "I am listening," he said. "Please, continue describing your symptoms."

Q leaned in and again lowered his voice to a whisper. "It... _enlarged_. The swelling hasn't subsided at all since then. Even when I slept. If anything, it's gotten worse."

"Ah," said Data, adopting a helpful and reassuring tone. "You have an erection, Q. That is no cause for concern. It is a normal biological function in human males. It is part of the reproductive process."

"Reproduction? Ugh!" Q looked at his hands in disgust. "I don't want to make _another_ one of these beings!" Then he peered down at the bulge in his grey bodysuit, an expression of panic on his face, as though he expected a duplicate human to emerge from his lap at any moment. "How do I stop it?"

"There is no need to take action of any kind," Data said. "Human reproduction requires the combination of both male and female genetic material, usually through sexual intercourse; and an extended period of gestation is necessary for any resulting fetus, usually inside the body of a human female."

Q sighed in relief, palm to his forehead. "I have no intention of _combining genetic material_ with anyone," he said. Then he looked at Data with alarm. "I sleep for approximately seven hours at a time," he said. "Each time, I remember nothing of the time that passed. Are you sure no female would have… combined… with me while I slept?" 

"It is extremely improbable," Data said. "And you are safe on board the Enterprise. Starfleet holds personnel and passengers to strict codes of conduct that prohibit 'combining' in such a way without consent."

In an expression that indicated confusion, Q's eyebrows drew together. "But if I don't mean to reproduce, then what is all _this_ for?" He gestured to his lap. "How do I make it go away?"

Data paused fractionally to examine his information banks on the topic. "Immersion of the body in cold water is most frequently referenced as the traditional solution to an unwanted erection." 

Q shuddered. "No, thank you." He had already experimented with the shower temperature, and did not ever wish to experience the sensation of "cold" again.

"In that case," Data said, "blood flow to the area will also recede with time, or after ejaculation. In humans, ejaculation usually requires physical stimulation, achieved manually, or via -"

"Oh, stop!" Q put his head in his hands. "This is awful, just awful."

"I am sorry if I upset you, Q," Data said. "I was trying to provide the information you requested. Some humans do seem to find these topics uncomfortable to discuss."

"I can't talk about this any more," Q said. "I can't believe I've been lowered to this - subject to base biology like a randy Terothian herd-beast." 

"Then, Q, how can I assist you?"

Q fidgeted. He pushed his sundae dishes away, and twitched when a green-clothed civilian from the bar staff arrived quietly to stack them and take them away. When the staff member was safely out of earshot, Q whispered. "I want you to kiss me, Data."

Data tilted his head, eyebrows raised in an indication of curiosity. "For what purpose?"

"I don't _know_ ," Q moaned. "I just want it. Like this chocolate substance, only more so. I _need_ to be kissed. And I need to think about something that isn't - _Jean-Luc Picard_ \- while you do it!" 

"I see," Data said, with a glimmer of understanding. "You do not believe Captain Picard would reciprocate your sexual attraction; so you are unwilling to make this request of him. Given your past actions toward the Captain, and his responses to your visits, that would appear to be a well-grounded assump-"

At that moment, Q leaned across the table, grasped the back of Data's head, and kissed him.

Data had only a few personal experiences to draw on for such a situation, but he was equipped with a great variety of routines and subroutines that might apply. In this context, for instance, it would not be inappropriate to use a comparable amount of force to make Q stop; but it would be far more interesting to let him continue. So, Data let him.

Kissing was intriguing, Data noted, as Q's mouth moved over his own. Like humans', Data's lips and tongue were sensitive, and Q was giving him an opportunity to source the most fascinating input. There were many sensations - from wetness and warmth to the traces of sodium and potassium from Q's skin that he detected with his tongue. But Q had said he needed to _be_ kissed, and that was, according to Data's information resources, a slightly different concept. 

Data slid an arm around Q, feeling warmth and vitality through the grey bodysuit, and pulled him close. His other hand he brought to Q's face, a thumb across his cheekbone. He tilted Q's head gently until he had established physical control of the kiss. Q was pushed slightly off balance, and clutched Data's shoulders. Now, Q was being kissed - deeply and rather thoroughly, by Data's estimation, with the slow, firm entry of his tongue. A soft whine came from the back of Q's throat, and, unable to interpret it, Data released him and steadied him with a hand under his elbow.

" _Ohh_ ," Q gasped, dazed and breathless. "Why did you stop?" 

Data was about to explain his reasoning, when he noted that Guinan was looking at them pointedly from the counter on the other side of Ten Forward. Data frequently found Guinan's facial expressions to contain fewer data points indicating emotional states and thought processes than most humanoids'; however, it was rare for an extended stare to correlate with approval. 

"I believe this conduct to be inappropriate for this location," Data said, standing up.

Q stood with him, flushed and shaking. "Then, Data," he said with as much dignity as he could muster, "I insist you take me somewhere that it _is_ appropriate."

***

"I do not require rest," Data said, as they approached his room, "but like all personnel, I have quarters on board this ship." The doors slid open. "If we were to continue kissing, this would be one appropriate location to do so."

The doors slid shut, and Data found himself pushed back against them, wrists gently pinned above his head. Q's mouth was at his throat, kissing and pressing the skin with his lips and even, very softly, biting. Data savoured this new sensation - the tingling that resulted from the hard press of lips against his skin, followed by the soft scrape of teeth. Q released Data's wrists, and seemed to be finished with his throat. They kissed again in the more conventional understanding of the term, with their lips together and arms around each other. 

At first it seemed to Data that he was now the one being kissed, but soon he grew intrigued by the fact that by sharing control, initiating variations in the speed and depth of the kiss, he could make Q gasp and moan in unambiguous expressions of pleasure. When he took Q's hips in his hands and pulled him close, feeling Q's erection against his thigh, Q's soft gasps became a deep, low groan.

There was a soft trilling noise from the bed, and Q broke off abruptly to look for the source - which turned out to be a small, quadrupedal life form with patterned ginger fur, alertly pricked ears, and a tail, the tip of which was twitching slightly.

Q jumped in surprise. "Who are you?" he demanded. "What do you want?" 

The life form merely blinked. 

"What is that?" Q muttered to Data, in a lowered voice.

"A male domestic cat, of average size," Data said, letting go of Q's hips. "The species is considered harmless." 

"Why is it watching us?"

"I cannot say for certain." Data walked to the bed and lifted Spot in his arms for the greeting pats the cat had expected upon Data's return to his quarters. The cat rumbled with approval, wiping its face against Data's. "Though I believe cats share the trait of curiosity with humans. Q - this is Spot: My cat. Spot - meet Q: My friend." 

Q blinked, and seemed surprised. Perhaps he had not expected Data to call him his friend. "Can it understand you?"

"I do not believe so," Data said, letting Spot leap from his arms. "But I have observed humans interacting with animals as though comprehension is shared." He requested cat food from the replicator, and set the resulting bowl on the floor as the cat circled between his ankles. "You are a good cat, Spot," he said, stroking Spot's back. "A good cat, and a pretty cat."

Q shook his head. "Is that what humans do? Show affection to lesser beings that can't respond in kind?"

"Some do," Data said. "There is no need for you to do so if you do not want to." He tilted his head thoughtfully. "Although, I do not believe you are correct to assume that Spot cannot respond in kind to affection. I have recorded no less than fifty-four different forms of vocalisation that Spot has made during his lifetime, and many times more nonvocal indicators. For example, -"

All of a sudden, Q's arms were around him again, and then, with a light push to his chest, Data was tumbled onto the bed on his back. Q landed on top, knees astride his hips. More kisses followed. This time, Q was most definitely in control; it seemed Q enjoyed kissing as much as being kissed. Q's mouth found his ear, his breath coming quickly. 

"I want to combine with you," Q whispered, his breath puffing against the sensitive rim of Data's ear. "Can we do that?"

"Physically, it appears there are multiple ways that would be possible," Data replied, looking up at him. "Were you seeking consent? It is granted. If I decide otherwise, I will tell you to stop." 

"How does this come off?" Q pulled at the fabric of Data's uniform. 

Data showed him; and soon, he was watching Q's face with curiosity as his friend pulled the strong, light material away from his body. As his chest was exposed, he was intrigued to see Q's pupils dilate. He reciprocated, removing Q's bodysuit, sliding his hands down Q's arms as he did so. 

Everything was deliciously, wonderfully new. None of Data's information banks could simulate such detail: feeling Q's pectoral muscles, lying flat under skin with a light growth of coarse hair; Q's full lips closing around his left nipple; or the erection Q had told him about, the hard length along his palm, then brushing his lips, filling his mouth. There was the smell of his body; the residue of soap, and light sweat; the scent that was the unique signature of Q, male and human. There were myriad ways to give Q pleasure, to make him voice it with a growl from the back of his throat or a grunted " _Yes._ " 

Eventually Q rolled to his back, his legs spread, pulling Data between them. Slowly, Data entered him; too gently, and with a whine that sounded like pain, Q pulled him deeper, legs around his waist. Data attuned himself to the movements of Q's body for information, to distinguish a cry of delight from one that meant _slower_ or _not like that_. The information was all conveyed; all one had to do was combine and interpret it. Sometimes, Data misjudged; but more often, he was rewarded with a ripple of Q's abdomen, or a shudder that meant _yes, yes_ , or _harder_. 

Data could have continued all night. There would still be more ways to touch, more ways to feel. But soon enough, Q had a hand wrapped around his own erection, pumping it in time with Data's thrusts inside him, and he groaned as his hips seemed to spasm, shaking and shaking as he ejaculated. 

Q's body went limp almost immediately afterward, and Data withdrew. 

"I'm dying," Q said weakly. Sweat beaded on his forehead, and dampened the hair on his chest into small, fine clumps. "Data, you have slain me."

"Your heartbeat is strong, Q," Data told him. "Are you having trouble -" 

"My breathing's fine, Data," he said, patting the bed beside him. "Lie down."

He did so, and Q rolled to rest his head on his chest. In moments, he was asleep.

\---

_Back in Data's quarters, after Q has re-entered the continuum:_

"Laughter, Data? You think I'd leave you with a burst of laughter? After all you did for me - _to_ me?"

"It was wonderful to laugh, Q," Data said. "And I have many interesting memories of our time together."

"Take your clothes off, Data," Q told him. "I've got something even better."


End file.
